Portion Critic T-Shirts

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

All-Day Breakfast

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

"They should have quit after deep dish."

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

BP Greed Credentials - huge profits and cuts to environmental promises.

'Have you noticed how portions are getting bigger?'

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

"We've gone 'Glutton-Free'."

'These are my dieting glasses. They magnify the food so I think I'm eating more than I really am.'

"I'm Roberto, and I'll be your waiter this evening. This is Carl. He's in charge of portion control."

"My father always said...eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince...and dinner like a beggar."

'...And when it registers over 140 pounds, it automatically triggers the refrigerator lock.'

Fruits and vegetables

Go large or go home!

"Why Bingo Sinclair is the world's greatest clown director"

'I'll pay double for half as much.'

"You asked me to keep a food diary, this is last week's!"

"I've seen it performed many times, but I can't remember ever sleeping through it so peacefully."

"Who had the Lumberjack fruit cup?"

"Just one menu for us, please. We don't want to overeat."

"I don't know why I put weight on, I hardly eat enough to keep a sparrow alive."

"I'm glad you enjoyed your meal, Sir. Did you save some room for shame?"

"Just a heads-up... when you count calories, high score doesn't win."ories/high score

'To help me stay on my diet, I've hired a portion control officer.'

Diet Food...& lots of it

"It's only 5 calories a serving...but a serving is a crumb."

'What do you mean, microbiotic?' 'Very small portions.'

A natural ratio, all too often dismissed by humankind

'This food is revolting. And such small portions.'