Portion Analyst Gifts

"Tia Carmen packed my lunch today. She thinks cafeteria servings are way too small."

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

All-Day Breakfast

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

"They should have quit after deep dish."

Since I took command of the company, I have steered a steady course.

'My diet allows me only one muffin a day!'

'Have you noticed how portions are getting bigger?'

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

"Oh, I listen to my body at meal time, but the messages aren't clear because its mouth is full!"

Your new salary is closely linked to profits - a smaller salary means more profits.

"I'm here to warn you, do not eat both slices of cake – you're going to want one tomorrow."

'All right, I want to know who's responsible for our profits no longer being obscene!'

I find that I can cut back on calories if I use only one chopstick.

Work stress.

"Let's begin with an x-ray of your portfolio."

Fruits and vegetables

'...And when it registers over 140 pounds, it automatically triggers the refrigerator lock.'

"I'm Roberto, and I'll be your waiter this evening. This is Carl. He's in charge of portion control."

Go large or go home!

'I'll pay double for half as much.'

"You asked me to keep a food diary, this is last week's!"

"I don't know why I put weight on, I hardly eat enough to keep a sparrow alive."

"I'm glad you enjoyed your meal, Sir. Did you save some room for shame?"

'To help me stay on my diet, I've hired a portion control officer.'

"Just one menu for us, please. We don't want to overeat."

"It is way too much food. That's why we charge way too much money."

"Who had the Lumberjack fruit cup?"

"It's only 5 calories a serving...but a serving is a crumb."

'This food is revolting. And such small portions.'