Portion Ponderers Gifts

The Dinner Builiding

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

"We've misjudged the tapas again."

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

"What if Newton came up with a different idea from a fallen apple."

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

'I'm 60-40 in favor of the 60.'

"Quantum Physics"? How am I going to learn all of this stuff? A bit at a time?

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"Of course you can't put your finger on it. It's a hypothetical particle."

"The trouble is, professor, you see the Erlenmeyer flask half empty and I see it half full."

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

'There must be some way we can capitalize on that damn boson.'

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

"What's with kids nowadays? Walking upright's not good enough for you?"

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

Time, Temp, Today's Neutrino Mass

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

Have you seen my money?

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

"Sure, but what have you invented lately?"

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

'I didn't choose art. Art chose me!'