Portfolio Architect Gifts

'My investment objective is to keep up with my neighbors, the Joneses, who just won the lottery.'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

The day the stock market went UP.

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

Build Your Own Portfolio

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

Stock market Bull & Bear financial whirlwind.

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

'Based on your travels, what would you say is the greatest potential downside, if any, to investing in the Upper Amazon?'

Fiscal Compass for the Global Investor.

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

Pillaging, formerly Acquisitions Department

'Time to buy.'

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

Woman at a desk with in out boxes marked Market Up Market Down.

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

Symbols of Wall St: bull, bear, Humpty Dumpty.

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'

"Your stork analyst is here, sir."

Long and Short term investments.

The Invisible Hand of the Market

"Constant vigilance, regular trimming."

Standard And P****d.

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'

"Make it Dow 30,000, and I'll sell you my soul."