Portfolio Builder Gifts

Why there are financial planners.

The Dunlop Fund: We cater to the small investor.

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

The day the stock market went UP.

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

Stock market Bull & Bear financial whirlwind.

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."

"If I seem excited, Mr. Bolling, it's only because I know that I can make you a very rich man."

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

'Based on your travels, what would you say is the greatest potential downside, if any, to investing in the Upper Amazon?'

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

Fiscal Compass for the Global Investor.

Pillaging, formerly Acquisitions Department

Woman at a desk with in out boxes marked Market Up Market Down.

'Time to buy.'

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides simulated hand holding when the market is down.'

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

Symbols of Wall St: bull, bear, Humpty Dumpty.

Long and Short term investments.

The Invisible Hand of the Market

"Make it Dow 30,000, and I'll sell you my soul."