Portfolio Protector Gifts

The stock market sky is falling.

'Sorry, but I won't discuss my financial portfolio on a first date.'

'The best advice Grandpa can give you is to remember that making money is easier than keeping money.'

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides simulated hand holding when the market is down.'

'I will invest your money with such caution that in the worst case scenario you won't even notice that it's gone...'

"We have had some bumps and bruises on the stock market."

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

"Have my portfolio moved offshore."

Don'tBlameMe: Investment Counselors

"Mr. Erlinger, for your stress test, log onto your stock portfolio."

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

Piggy bank #5: carrying (colour).

Business cartoon showing sales declining so much that they bounce off the floor.

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

"I suppose you're all wondering why I called this meeting today."

'Hi, I'm the ghost of your past, present and future stock portfolio!'

'Where's the petty cash?'... 'It's in the box marked Pension Fund.'

Help!!! I've been kidnapped - Your Money.

"There's something about seeing red that just drives me crazy."

'Before we found you, we were just squeaking by.'

Worker Rights and the Smoking Ban

Investor alternates between hating and loving gold, depending on the stock market's performance.

'Closing the letter with 'Very fondly yours' seems okay but let's run it by legal, to be sure it cannot be misinterpreted as sexual harassment.'

Have you hugged your money today?

'Are you looking for something in light blue, or dark blue, chips?'

"Trust me, with me in charge, your kid will behave and be safe..."

'Ask me about my portfolio.'

"I think the scientists want us to realize our world is warming and do something before future generations can't live here anymore, but it's tough to focus when cheese is so good."

"I'm adding some safe-haven assets to your portfolio...gold and Ozempic."

'Before we get started, I would like to thank our stockholder for coming tonight...'

Buy on the dip, ignore the blip, and sell before the bubble bursts.