Portfolio Promoter Gifts

'Ask me about my portfolio.'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

The day the stock market went UP.

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

Stock market Bull & Bear financial whirlwind.

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

'Based on your travels, what would you say is the greatest potential downside, if any, to investing in the Upper Amazon?'

Fiscal Compass for the Global Investor.

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'Time to buy.'

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

Pillaging, formerly Acquisitions Department

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

Symbols of Wall St: bull, bear, Humpty Dumpty.

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides simulated hand holding when the market is down.'

"Your stork analyst is here, sir."

Long and Short term investments.

The Invisible Hand of the Market

Standard And P****d.

"Make it Dow 30,000, and I'll sell you my soul."

'Basically it's a stock that if a chain of near miraculous events would happen to occur, you'd make a bundle.'

'Diversify, diversify, diversify. Never keep all your eggs in one basket, unless it's Easter.'