Portfolio Promoter Gifts

'Ask me about my portfolio.'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

The day the stock market went UP.

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

Stock market Bull & Bear financial whirlwind.

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

'Based on your travels, what would you say is the greatest potential downside, if any, to investing in the Upper Amazon?'

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

Fiscal Compass for the Global Investor.

Pillaging, formerly Acquisitions Department

'Time to buy.'

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides simulated hand holding when the market is down.'

Symbols of Wall St: bull, bear, Humpty Dumpty.

Long and Short term investments.

"Make it Dow 30,000, and I'll sell you my soul."

The Invisible Hand of the Market

'Basically it's a stock that if a chain of near miraculous events would happen to occur, you'd make a bundle.'

'Diversify, diversify, diversify. Never keep all your eggs in one basket, unless it's Easter.'

'What's this I hear about you going long?'