Portfolio Balancer Gifts

'I feel a little overexposed to risky market segments. Let's take another look at my overall asset allocation.'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"We seem to be spending more on defence than on things to defend"

'The meek shall inherit the debt. The rich shall inherit the loopholes.'

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

'She finds it really easy to juggle her kids with her career now she's joined the circus.'

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

"Microwave to replace gas or oil central heating?" "Yes. Think how cheap it is to microwave a cup of tea!"

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

"At $4 a dozen, it's hard to balance a career and a family."

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."

Expenses/Income. "Our only problem is working out how to switch these."

State Budget.

'Sorry, that was before the fed raised the interest rates.'

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides simulated hand holding when the market is down.'

Al's Farm Equipment: Our Prices Can't Be Beat!

"I never had to choose between a baby and a career—I'm a surrogate mother."

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'

'We were in the right place at the right time but, unfortunately, we were in the wrong time zone.'

'Diversify, diversify, diversify. Never keep all your eggs in one basket, unless it's Easter.'

The good news is that I've got all the figures...the BAD news is that I'm not sure what order to put them in!

'I cut myself slashing the budget!'

Help!!! I've been kidnapped - Your Money.

"...And this is Mable, who will assist me with the billing."

IRS, 'It might make you feel better if you just think of it as a negative entitlement.'

'How can they call it a shared sacrifice in this bad economy...when your pay cut was 10% and mine, 25%?!'

"Yes, you do get your bonus today. My assistant is empty the change out of the vending machine as we speak."

Run in the Family

The ways and means committee reaches the tipping point.

'How do you expect the Government to bail you out of your financial crisis if you don't pay your taxes?'

'When you've a minute could you design a new health infrastructure for the area with budget forecasts staffing requirements and job descriptions...tomorrow will do.'

'We're waiting for an estimate that doesn't make him do that.'