Budget Balancer Gifts

'Today's financial report will be a short one: We had money, now we don't.'

'It's amazing how little a thousand dollars will buy these days.'

'The government announced that to reduce the budget deficit, it will move the decimal two points to the left.'

Expenses/Income. "Our only problem is working out how to switch these."

Economics made simple.

'It's broke. I could fix it, but then you'd be broke.'

"Well, for this amount we could do you a nice word-of-mouth campaign!"

Sacrifices.

'No cuts in Medicare!'

NHS targets.

"So how are the cut-backs affecting your department?"

"Don't think of yourself as just another small cog in a vast bureaucratic machine.. but rather as a quite important cost centre."

'And this I take it is the bookkeeping department.'

"This is our needs assessment, and you'll notice on the back that I've also attached our wants assessment."

After paying the IT consultants we didn't have enough left for proper laptops!

'I think I can solve our budget problem with the color scanner, color laser printer and this twenty-dollar bill!'

'What we need is a tax on stupid ideas. The revenue out of Washington alone would balance the budget in two years.'

Debt - Restructured Debt

"I don't have a budget at this time, but I can offer you some really great social-media exposure."

Farm Budget.

'Unless I'm misinterpreting the signs gentleman we are fast approachign the status of a non profit organization.'

"Well, according to the books, you've got too much overhead"

"We can pay off our mortgage, educate our kids, or retire at 65 - pick any two."

"Someday this will all be yours!"

"Well in our defence we did get a lot of the numbers correct, they just weren't in the right order."

'If things don't improve, we'll have to close 3 plants and lay off 50 employees or ask you to live a little more simply.'

Slimming down the budget

'I cut myself slashing the budget!'

The good news is that I've got all the figures...the BAD news is that I'm not sure what order to put them in!

'I did the best I could, but there's just nothing in the budget for more walks.'

"Is it just me or have these numbers lost their crunchiness?"

"I said we need to get back on track - financially."

'We're out of money for bailouts. We recommend that you just file for non-profit status.'

Budget House of Cards

The rising cost of health care (shown by the rising cost of prescription drugs)