Portfolio Artist Gifts

"Things were great and then I was fired. Now I have to work for a living."

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

The day the stock market went UP.

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

Cariactures

Build Your Own Portfolio

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

Stock market Bull & Bear financial whirlwind.

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

'Based on your travels, what would you say is the greatest potential downside, if any, to investing in the Upper Amazon?'

Fiscal Compass for the Global Investor.

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'Time to buy.'

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

Pillaging, formerly Acquisitions Department

Diego Velasquez

"Caricatures $20"

Woman at a desk with in out boxes marked Market Up Market Down.

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

"Stop complaining and smile! It's a job, isn't it? NO wonder they call you Mona!"

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

Symbols of Wall St: bull, bear, Humpty Dumpty.

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'

Standard And P****d.

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'