Pork Gifts

"Hog Hell"

"They were out of bacon."

The Rooster Comedian.

'Oh, it's a long, long time...From here to November...'

'I'll be darned! A nipple mood ring!'

"At $4 a dozen, it's hard to balance a career and a family."

Jurassic Pork

'Rehab centre' "I'm addicted to Irvine Welsh"

"OK, now another guy found a feather in his soup! One of you is molting, and I need to know who!"

"Has anyone turned in a chicken?"

Vivienne Westwood

'Ouwth! Bid my tong!'

'Why did the chicken cross the road?'

'Take my advice kid. Enjoy yourself now, because once you get married, your free ranging days are over.'

"You look ridiculous Ed. Why can't you just accept you're going bald and ditch the wig?"

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

"The Halloween Special is the pork and kraut. It'll come back and haunt you."

"It's a destination wedding invitation. We have to cross the road."

"I'll bet you can't name three of their songs."

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

"I can't believe this! Is there anyone here who isn't too chicken to jump?"

'Honey, the babysitter's here.'

'I'd say the nerve pain you're having in your jaw is due to an arrow through it, but perhaps you'd like to get a 2nd opinion from a dentist.'

*=Hotdog

'I admire your can-cock-a-doodle-do attitude.'

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

'Jurassic Pork.'

'Mom, where does bacon come from?'

'I'm sorry young lady, but you're not old enough to be free range!'

'I don't think we should have any more eggs Chester. Maybe you should see the vet about having your chicken nuggets removed.'

"Congratulations, dude, and you may now play tonsil hockey with the bride."

'In case of computer crash' (break the glass).

Where Summer Sausage Comes From...

Chicken Funeral Planning.

'Check out the rack on this hot babe.'