Pork Connoisseurs Gifts

"They were out of bacon."

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

Jurassic Pork

"I only recommend the 24 oz. Prime rib for big fat guys."

"Please stay on the line – your caul is important to us."

'Mom, where does bacon come from?'

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

"I was hoping Calvin would grow up to be top sirloin..."

'Check out the rack on this hot babe.'

'I was like you once, full of ambition! AND LOOK WHERE IT GOT MEEE!'

Faux Poop!

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

Swine flu

'Mr. Whipple, what other qualifications do you have - apart from your quite excellent Donald Duck impression?'

"Okay, now we're too domesticated."

"A trough full of food, mud to roll around in: Who cares if we can't fly..."

"I know I have the body of a weak and feeble woman but, hang on a minute, I'm pretty sure I have the heart and stomach of a king, too..."

The Pooperrazzi

"Maybe we'd kiss better if we had lips."

'Sure you can have another opinion but I still say you are a fat pig.'

'I can't work out why I keep getting these blinding headaches!'

Although rejected by his peers, Slim continued to escape slaughter through diet and exercise.

"I couldn't be happier if I were in slop."

Well, we fancied a bit of herbal!

Pig Cheese

"You'd think over the years one or two of them would catch on."

'The greatest wine in my collection? Why, it's my '45 Chateau Palmer and, oh, what a coincidence, it's right here!'

Hen Behaving Badly.

'And exactly where did you find the 'antique salami slicer'?'

"That's the main problem with your rear wheel drive model!"

"He's being bred for Hawaiian pizza!"

'Your businessman's lunch, sir — Raw meat and whiskey.'