Meat Connoisseurs Gifts

'This 'turkey bacon' thing -- I don't know whether to feel insulted or relieved.'

'I was like you once, full of ambition! AND LOOK WHERE IT GOT MEEE!'

Mary had a little lamb.

"Just our luck...everything but us tastes just like chicken."

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

"It's good to know she was butchered for a noble cause."

Important Food Groups

6,000 BC: Neolithic Barbecue

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

"Regular service or affected?"

"We get all our meat from a man dressed like a butcher."

Dyslexic Cattle Ranch

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

"What do you mean you're tired of AB negative?"

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

A butcher announcing he will kill his own meat

"I only recommend the 24 oz. Prime rib for big fat guys."

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

'MEN! We've got a fire at the cattle shed! Do we want rare, medium or well done?'

"I'm not a total vegetarian, sometimes I like a bit of buffalo."

"I was hoping Calvin would grow up to be top sirloin..."

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

Family Butcher.

*=Hotdog

"Please stay on the line – your caul is important to us."

'I'm not sure how to break this to you all... the Atkins diet is back.'

I assure you the animals didn't suffer. All of our meat comes from animals who died naturally of old age while vacationing in Miami.

I can't decide what to read, Gourmet or Weight Watchers.

"Veal or non-veal?"

The Pooperrazzi