Pork Ponderer Gifts

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

"I feel bad about eating them...but they're so yummy."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

Wildlife

Frog to other frog: 'Hey, nice pad.'

Water Gardening: One thing is certain - you will find the peace and tranquility of water an almost irresistible attraction.

'Big sale at the Dog Store. Buy 1, get 2 free.'

'Thanks, we really appreciate this. Yeah, the middle button. Don't worry, it's auto-focus - just aim and shoot.'

But there are other pleasures still for the fisherman's delight....for nature is everywhere about him.

"This blood knot ought to be re-named the blood, sweat and tears knot."

Business Duck

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

"I can't wait to start growing limbs so that I can use a tablet..."

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

'My horoscope said I was going to make someone happy today.'

'Euro's down against the pound, dollars up against yen, pound is... what the hell don't expect cheap meals in France!'

'Its that final touch that makes it seem just like a natural pond.'

Six frogs leap off their lily pads.

"I'm not a mad dog. But I'm not particularly happy either."

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

'I'll say this for you young Thoreu - he certainly does make good use of his pond.'

Ricochet

"You've got to understand, in my family Dad was the poodle and Mom was the pit bull."

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

'No, I'm not into astronomy. That telescope is for you to see your new parking spot.'

Vernal Pond: Here today. . . gone tomorrow.

"Yes, there will be questions but you're unquestionably the nation's most badass mom."

Water Gardening: And you will find yourself thinking over many garden problems at the waterside.

'It's so embarrassing. My mother had my tadpole tail bronzed!'

'If nothing sticks to Teflon, how come Teflon sticks to the pan?'

Fish Food

"Let's just agree to disagree." "I suggested that first!"

"Who's next?"

Six months later they would be sharing the Nobel Prize, but for now all they could do was stare in amazement at what they had discovered...two incredibly well preserved specimens from the styrofoam age.'

"Why don't you paint a picture – it'll last longer."