Porch Philosopher Gifts

"I think the sun is a great source of energy."

"I believe jazz did come up the Mississippi, Ted, but not quite as far as East Moline."

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

"But otherwise I'll bet they lead very dull lives."

"This is the life, eh?"

"Mr. Coughlin over there was the founder of one of the first motorcycle gangs"

You can't get what up

'You don't see any for hours, then three come along at once.'

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

Studies show foods work miracles!

At times Richard dreaded coming home, as he knew he'd have to face the music.

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"Can you hypnotise me into being in shape?"

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

Trivia Night in Apartment 8-G

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

"You're overthinking it. Sometimes a belly rub is just a belly rub."

Hamlet in the craft shop.

'I'm afraid I'll fall and no one will hear me.'

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

Deer against capital punishment about to be shot.

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

How to be a Dynamic Over-achiever

"Tom, let's explore why you feel Andrea's inability to understand 'icing the puck' is passive-aggressive."

'Woke up this morning found someone had stolen my guitar...'

Meekness of Mr Pecksniff and his Charming Daughter

"We missed Fashion Week!"

"It all started when I didn't grow up in a palatial estate."

"I'm an agnostic now that I've started having self doubts."

'As your financial advisor, I'd have to advise you to change your main income provider,'

'Your dilemma is fabulous. Imagine what a dramaturge could do with it.'

'Hey! - why bicker all evening when we could be watching a film about ideological genocide.'

"When I grow up, I want to impeach a president."

"I suppose we could burst onto the literary scene."