Porch Philosopher T-Shirts

"I think the sun is a great source of energy."

"I believe jazz did come up the Mississippi, Ted, but not quite as far as East Moline."

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

"But otherwise I'll bet they lead very dull lives."

"This is the life, eh?"

"Mr. Coughlin over there was the founder of one of the first motorcycle gangs"

In the future, I'll never complain about it being chilly when I get to go to an early-season baseball game.

You can't get what up

'You don't see any for hours, then three come along at once.'

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

Studies show foods work miracles!

At times Richard dreaded coming home, as he knew he'd have to face the music.

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"Can you hypnotise me into being in shape?"

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

Trivia Night in Apartment 8-G

"You're overthinking it. Sometimes a belly rub is just a belly rub."

'I'm afraid I'll fall and no one will hear me.'

Hamlet in the craft shop.

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

Deer against capital punishment about to be shot.

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

How to be a Dynamic Over-achiever

Axel, I notice you read a lot of highbrow books

"I'm an agnostic now that I've started having self doubts."

Meekness of Mr Pecksniff and his Charming Daughter

"It all started when I didn't grow up in a palatial estate."

"Tom, let's explore why you feel Andrea's inability to understand 'icing the puck' is passive-aggressive."

"We missed Fashion Week!"

'As your financial advisor, I'd have to advise you to change your main income provider,'

'Woke up this morning found someone had stolen my guitar...'

The big questions in life.