Explorer Of Porches T-Shirts

'Mysteries' section of bookshop reveals secret door.

At times Richard dreaded coming home, as he knew he'd have to face the music.

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

'No, that's not my shaving lotion. We've been burning cow chips in the wood stove.'

You can't get what up

'We took a look at our passport pictures and realized we need a vacation.'

'Woke up this morning found someone had stolen my guitar...'

"We missed Fashion Week!"

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

"I'll be on the porch, pushing ninety."

"This is one of those beautiful summer days when I'm flooded with memories of things that never happened to me."

"Would it have killed him to create a screened-in porch?!"

"Mr. Coughlin over there was the founder of one of the first motorcycle gangs"

Calm in the Face of Chaos

"No. Have to say we don't get many tourists around here!"

"The Hewletts have flaming crown roast au vin blanc every Wednesday."

'Why would I want an ocean-going yacht when I've got a rocking chair in my front porch?'

"If you're going out, pick up some candles."

Beware of Curmudgeon!

"But otherwise I'll bet they lead very dull lives."

'The best part of growing old is not having to invest for the long term.'

"I believe jazz did come up the Mississippi, Ted, but not quite as far as East Moline."

"The screen porch makes it a home."

"I like you a whole lot better when you was alive."

"My husband used his rejected manuscripts to make these columns."

"So, has Grandpa's 'longevity pay' kicked in yet?"

'You don't see any for hours, then three come along at once.'

'Because of the picturesque nature of your house, the government would like to list it...one of you will have to sit on the porch at all times.'ou

"Don't blame me, the tourist brochure says it's one of the World's great spectacles."

"Jehoshaphat! Look at that gait!"

'It's a perch.' 'Porch.'

Giant Mosquito Screen Door.

'Unga always wanted to fish from his front porch'