Porch Philosophers Gifts

"Oh, I've always wanted to pretend to want to hike the Appalachian Trail."

"Hot enough for you?"

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

Studies show foods work miracles!

At times Richard dreaded coming home, as he knew he'd have to face the music.

"Can you hypnotise me into being in shape?"

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

Trivia Night in Apartment 8-G

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

"You're overthinking it. Sometimes a belly rub is just a belly rub."

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

You can't get what up

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

How to be a Dynamic Over-achiever

"Tom, let's explore why you feel Andrea's inability to understand 'icing the puck' is passive-aggressive."

"We missed Fashion Week!"

Axel, I notice you read a lot of highbrow books

'As your financial advisor, I'd have to advise you to change your main income provider,'

'Woke up this morning found someone had stolen my guitar...'

"It all started when I didn't grow up in a palatial estate."

"I'm an agnostic now that I've started having self doubts."

"I've got the bowl, the bone, the big yard. I know I should be happy."

The big questions in life.

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

'Hey! - why bicker all evening when we could be watching a film about ideological genocide.'

'Your dilemma is fabulous. Imagine what a dramaturge could do with it.'

"Don't worry, Jules. It'll come up on your side of the house in just 12 hours."

All kidding aside, let me explain why I get to call you Al, yet you have to call me Dr. Kapuchnik. It's simply because I'm a psychiatrist and you're a bum. It's nothing personal. Thanks for explaining. I feel better.

'You cant do anything these days without someone suspecting your motives. . . there is only one way out. . . inaction.'

"She thought he was a good listener. Turns out he was a decoy."

"When I grow up, I want to impeach a president."

"I suppose we could burst onto the literary scene."