Porch Patroller Gifts

Beware of Curmudgeon!

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

At times Richard dreaded coming home, as he knew he'd have to face the music.

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

'No, that's not my shaving lotion. We've been burning cow chips in the wood stove.'

'Must you have chips with everything Sir Francis.'

'Woke up this morning found someone had stolen my guitar...'

"We missed Fashion Week!"

"I'll be on the porch, pushing ninety."

"Darren Eggleston. I saw that!"

"This is one of those beautiful summer days when I'm flooded with memories of things that never happened to me."

Calm in the Face of Chaos

"The Hewletts have flaming crown roast au vin blanc every Wednesday."

'Why would I want an ocean-going yacht when I've got a rocking chair in my front porch?'

"Everybody back. . . Minefield!"

June: Aphid, millipedes, weevils,scab, blackleg...and other pests will be active.

Sparrow of Prey

'The best part of growing old is not having to invest for the long term.'

"That's Charles' new gun dog."

"The screen porch makes it a home."

"My husband used his rejected manuscripts to make these columns."

"So, has Grandpa's 'longevity pay' kicked in yet?"

Gardener's Calendar: Keep an eye open for pests

'A fag end, and at the fag end of our shift! Let it lie.'

"I like you a whole lot better when you was alive."

'Because of the picturesque nature of your house, the government would like to list it...one of you will have to sit on the porch at all times.'ou

'How bad can hell be? At least the road to there is paved!'

'Unga always wanted to fish from his front porch'

'It's a perch.' 'Porch.'

Giant Mosquito Screen Door.

"Jehoshaphat! Look at that gait!"