Pooch Pacer Gifts

'I'm looking for an eight minute mile pace. Ready, and ...'

'Or we could just ask her what kind of dog it is.'

'He rides in the car with his head out the window a lot.'

"Do you recall the exact moment the balance of power shifted?"

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

Litterary Dogs.

Dog Wrestling.

'Sure, I could be independent, but it's so much nicer to allow myself to be spoiled rotten by Mistress...'

"I've got the bowl, the bone, the big yard. I know I should be happy."

People with pet dogs in a dog park with workout equipment for dogs.

"We should probably stop calling each other 'Fluffy's person' and 'Fifi's person' and learn each other's real names - now that we're married I mean."

Pets on holiday.

The Poodle and The Twooudle.

'And this bone, would you say he wanted to pick it for quite some time?'

Best in Heat.

"I think that I shall never see a tree on which I wouldn't pee."

"Funny how he always goes in the same spot."

"Bring us a bottle of your best toilet water."

'Don't you think you're spoiling that dog,Dorothy?'

-'I'd like a doggy bag.' -'And make it a big one.'

"I have no skills. . . only tricks."

"I've pretended to be interested in that breed many times."

'Ever noticed how people resemble their pets?'

"I think I'll go for the Barf Bits du Jour."

Blue-nosed pointer: 'Naughty, naughty!'

Car Dog-Doors.

A woman holds a sling which has her dog in it.

"... and bless the UPS driver, who endures my instinctive barks, growls, yelps and yips."

My other dog is a Great Dane.

"I always add a few breath mints to his food."

"I don't feel like going on a walk today, so I got me an Uber to take me around the block. You need the exercise, so you can walk beside the car."

'I know you have been very good. But all that entitles you to is a 'walk'.'

'Old Fred spoils that pooch of his!'

When groomers go bad.

'For them it's an air freshener. For me... it's the olfactory equivalent of white noise.'