Pooch Performer Gifts

"I have no skills. . . only tricks."

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

'Or we could just ask her what kind of dog it is.'

'He rides in the car with his head out the window a lot.'

Shakespeare's Lost Play: The Taming of the Pooch.

"Mum, I got the job!"

Dog fetching clown shoes.

Litterary Dogs.

'Sure, I could be independent, but it's so much nicer to allow myself to be spoiled rotten by Mistress...'

"I've got the bowl, the bone, the big yard. I know I should be happy."

Dog wearing a cone around his waist: 'Hemorrhoids.'

People with pet dogs in a dog park with workout equipment for dogs.

"We should probably stop calling each other 'Fluffy's person' and 'Fifi's person' and learn each other's real names - now that we're married I mean."

Good Dog!

Pets on holiday.

"I'm just saying, studies show that owning a human can improve the quality of your life."

"I think that I shall never see a tree on which I wouldn't pee."

'And this bone, would you say he wanted to pick it for quite some time?'

'I'm looking for an eight minute mile pace. Ready, and ...'

"Funny how he always goes in the same spot."

"Aw, so cute - scooter's running in his sleep again."

Tough Guy

'Ever noticed how people resemble their pets?'

"I told him about anthropomorphism, and he decided to try it."

Blue-nosed pointer: 'Naughty, naughty!'

Car Dog-Doors.

"I can't find his dog whistle anywhere."

"I don't feel like going on a walk today, so I got me an Uber to take me around the block. You need the exercise, so you can walk beside the car."

My other dog is a Great Dane.

"My mistress doesn't care if I drink out of the toilet as long as I put the toilet seat up."

When groomers go bad.

'I must leave my mark on the world.' 'I must leave my mark on the next lamp post.'

'Let's do a deal - I won't drag you past any more lamp-posts...'

"I'm not falling for that - every time I'm mad at you, you suddenly 'hurt your paw'."

"Why don't you stick your head out the window like other dogs?"