Politically Correct Punster Pillows

British savings accounts

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

'It's not easy being green on grass!'

Politically Correct Snowperson

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

K9 Literati

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

'Out, damned Spot.'

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

"Let's not try to make this symbolic. Of anything."

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

'Actually, nowadays it's considered offensive to call an answer 'wrong'.'

"I'm after the history section."

2B or not 2B

"Don't worry, Emily. . . I'm woke and you're woke, so I'm sure our baby will turn out woke!"

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

F1 - Quit Smoking.

Bookworm in book, sign reads: 'Tome, Sweet Tome.'

'Your honour, we find the defendent 'politically incorrect'.'

"I beg your pardon," said Alice, "but which of you is the Democrat?"

'I was all ready to deal with the military, but I never expected an IRS coup!'

"Read me the one about Ali Obama and the Forty Community Organizers."

Cake News: Britain Desserts EU

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

Non discrimination to Vampires

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

Rattache

Statue of Liberty: Out of Service

Alternative Dickens: Oliver, having received more, requests a doggy bag.

'When I said I was going to resign my contract, I meant re-sign my contract for another five years!'

"We're not a school. We're a political action committee!"