Politically Correct Punster Gifts

"He, Igor? Who are we to play God with its gender pronouns?"

British savings accounts

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

'It's not easy being green on grass!'

Politically Correct Snowperson

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

K9 Literati

'Out, damned Spot.'

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

'Actually, nowadays it's considered offensive to call an answer 'wrong'.'

"I'm after the history section."

'I'm not a 'Ghost', I'm an Ectoplasmic American.'

"Let's not try to make this symbolic. Of anything."

2B or not 2B

"Don't worry, Emily. . . I'm woke and you're woke, so I'm sure our baby will turn out woke!"

Bookworm in book, sign reads: 'Tome, Sweet Tome.'

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

F1 - Quit Smoking.

"I beg your pardon," said Alice, "but which of you is the Democrat?"

'Your honour, we find the defendent 'politically incorrect'.'

'I was all ready to deal with the military, but I never expected an IRS coup!'

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

Non discrimination to Vampires

Cake News: Britain Desserts EU

Statue of Liberty: Out of Service

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I am 62 years old and was fired from my job of 22 years just before xmas 2010. What should I do? Sincerely, Irene. Attack! Stop! Enough, Sadie. Haven't you been listening? The mean-spirited, virulent partisanship of talk show hosts must end. People were hurt and some died. Aren't you the ultimate partisan, you coot? That's different lady! Fasten your seatbelts.

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

"Read me the one about Ali Obama and the Forty Community Organizers."

Rattache

Alternative Dickens: Oliver, having received more, requests a doggy bag.

'When I said I was going to resign my contract, I meant re-sign my contract for another five years!'