Political Event Gifts

"If all this healthcare debate makes my head explode, will our current plan cover it?"

"Place your left hand on the Bible, raise your right hand, and repeat after me, 'Wow, I can't believe this is happening to me.'"

"It's just the government, dear..."

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

Trump is buried in an hourglass

"There is no dopier, goofier, more bullyish or stubborn cartoon character than ME!"

'Just pretend they're not here. They're my transition team.'

Tonight: The Unraveling President - Russian Performance Art.

Automatic cuts in the federal budget known as The Sequester mean that the government won't be able to provide the usual level of services...

Obama Clinic and Republican Clinic

"We're going have to build higher walls."

Approval Ratings Throughout History

Kim Jong-un and Donald Trump meet.

Justice: Obstruction Of

"They were out to get me!"

"Two strikes, how about I throw you a slow ball?"

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

They're Not Just That Into It

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

'And this year's 'Inquisitive Learner Award' goes to...'

"A student skipped a model U.N. meeting – now he's claiming diplomatic immunity."

"Away with the warmonger!"

"Anna - there's someone I'd like to meet."

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

"I am so attracted to you right now."

Green Balloon

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

Chritmas Party - "What in our own time?"

All dressed up and no place to go

'I told him if he didn't get here quick he'd miss out on all the beer and food.'

Children's Party

'In hindsight, we should have spent more on marketing than entertainment.'

The Epsom Derby - The Finishing Line