Election Fanfare Gifts

Bush's Momentum.

They're Not Just That Into It

"Away with the warmonger!"

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

Elections

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

"Those MORONS! I have way more chest hair than THAT! Ha!"

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"So finally, the liarbird flew off to the lucrative world of tell-all books, management consultancy and after-dinner speaking..."

Running for Congress

'What do we do about this online order for 6,000 rounds of ammo, an assault rifle, an automatic handgun and a shotgun?'

Explosives: Libyan Oil

'Their ruling's all about Freedom of Speech...which allows us to say, 'We have the right to influence elections''

Harcourt's Defeat in 1895 Election

'The trouble with electing a man on horseback is that somebody has to clean up after him.'

Hillary Clinton

'On the Internet we found weapons of mass intrusion.'

"We're going have to build higher walls."

"I'm finally done celebrating the recent election."

"You want England to win what!? Put me back in the lamp!"

'I don't know -- maybe an evil robot from the future IS the kind of President we need.'

"Place your left hand on the Bible, raise your right hand, and repeat after me, 'Wow, I can't believe this is happening to me.'"

"Say, isn't that Rudy Giuliani?"

'You will meet a tall, dark and handsome man. He will play forward on the pro-basketball team you've just bought!'

TRUMP

'It was a very friendly reception - the Democrats even registered me to vote!'

"Even after all these years, I still find it very exciting using my vote to cancel out your father's."

"Two strikes, how about I throw you a slow ball?"

Holy Moses!

"What's Dad watching? Some scary Halloween show?"

'Just pretend they're not here. They're my transition team.'