Political Fundraising Event Gifts

Latest in a long growing list of gaffes.

They're Not Just That Into It

"We only got six days of funding."

"Our war is against cancer."

"Away with the warmonger!"

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

"Bad things happen to people who don't buy my cookies, Sir."

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

"You can either make a pledge or join us in this weekend's Barkathon."

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

Pearly King and Queen

"He says he wants to see the actual brick he donated."

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

We're making progress building a staff for the palace. The king's lawyer and accountant has sealed lips, of course. Putting a big heart in the charity foundation chief, and building the gardener with a green thumb were excellent choices, Ernie. But the entertainers sill need some fixes. The jester doesn't have a funny bone. I'm nobody's fool. And you have the minstrel a tin ear! Oops.

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

'Al, this is Jack. He's with the Committee to Eliminate the Board of Education. Jack, this is Al. He's with the Committee to Increase Funding for the Board of Education.'

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"Those MORONS! I have way more chest hair than THAT! Ha!"

'I don't think I've ever heard of the Geezer Scouts or Geezer Scout cookies.'

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

"So finally, the liarbird flew off to the lucrative world of tell-all books, management consultancy and after-dinner speaking..."

'Is our tent getting smaller, or are we fat cats just getting fatter?'

"Well, we got the grant."

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

'What do we do about this online order for 6,000 rounds of ammo, an assault rifle, an automatic handgun and a shotgun?'

Running for Congress

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

"Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember . . ."

Bake Sale! To benefit our town animal shelter

The nonprofit dog fight.

"Look! It's the Montgomerys from the breast-cancer walk."