Political Fundraising Event Pillows

Latest in a long growing list of gaffes.

"We only got six days of funding."

"Our war is against cancer."

"Away with the warmonger!"

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"Bad things happen to people who don't buy my cookies, Sir."

"You can either make a pledge or join us in this weekend's Barkathon."

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

Pearly King and Queen

"He says he wants to see the actual brick he donated."

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

'Al, this is Jack. He's with the Committee to Eliminate the Board of Education. Jack, this is Al. He's with the Committee to Increase Funding for the Board of Education.'

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

'I don't think I've ever heard of the Geezer Scouts or Geezer Scout cookies.'

'Is our tent getting smaller, or are we fat cats just getting fatter?'

"Those MORONS! I have way more chest hair than THAT! Ha!"

"So finally, the liarbird flew off to the lucrative world of tell-all books, management consultancy and after-dinner speaking..."

"Well, we got the grant."

'What do we do about this online order for 6,000 rounds of ammo, an assault rifle, an automatic handgun and a shotgun?'

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

"Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember . . ."

Bake Sale! To benefit our town animal shelter

The nonprofit dog fight.

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to get approval from the offices of Terminology, Evidence, Proof of Demand, Documentation, Measurement and Predictions before I can even think about signing off."

"Look! It's the Montgomerys from the breast-cancer walk."