Political Fundraising Pillows

'Campaign promises aren't working. So we're replacing them with superpac pledge drives.'

"We only got six days of funding."

"Our war is against cancer."

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

"Away with the warmonger!"

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

"Bad things happen to people who don't buy my cookies, Sir."

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

"You can either make a pledge or join us in this weekend's Barkathon."

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

Pearly King and Queen

The Russian Election.

"He says he wants to see the actual brick he donated."

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

We're making progress building a staff for the palace. The king's lawyer and accountant has sealed lips, of course. Putting a big heart in the charity foundation chief, and building the gardener with a green thumb were excellent choices, Ernie. But the entertainers sill need some fixes. The jester doesn't have a funny bone. I'm nobody's fool. And you have the minstrel a tin ear! Oops.

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

'Al, this is Jack. He's with the Committee to Eliminate the Board of Education. Jack, this is Al. He's with the Committee to Increase Funding for the Board of Education.'

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

The Thinker

2020 Republican Party National Convention

"Those MORONS! I have way more chest hair than THAT! Ha!"

'I don't think I've ever heard of the Geezer Scouts or Geezer Scout cookies.'

"I want something in which to vote for Mrs. Luce."

George Papandreou.

"Well, we got the grant."

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

I've decided to run for office so I can spend more time away from my family.

Obama of Oz.

When Someone Says Biden Sucks, You Are Supposed to Have a Good Answer

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

"Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember . . ."

The nonprofit dog fight.