Fundraising Campaign Gifts

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

"Crowd-funding's fantastic but the crowd-thanking is a real drag."

"We only got six days of funding."

"Our war is against cancer."

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

National Everything Awareness Day

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

"Bad things happen to people who don't buy my cookies, Sir."

"You can either make a pledge or join us in this weekend's Barkathon."

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

Pearly King and Queen

"He says he wants to see the actual brick he donated."

We're making progress building a staff for the palace. The king's lawyer and accountant has sealed lips, of course. Putting a big heart in the charity foundation chief, and building the gardener with a green thumb were excellent choices, Ernie. But the entertainers sill need some fixes. The jester doesn't have a funny bone. I'm nobody's fool. And you have the minstrel a tin ear! Oops.

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

'Al, this is Jack. He's with the Committee to Eliminate the Board of Education. Jack, this is Al. He's with the Committee to Increase Funding for the Board of Education.'

'I don't think I've ever heard of the Geezer Scouts or Geezer Scout cookies.'

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

'Can you fetch all of these but leave these others alone?'

Pollster

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

The Clinton Campaign, post-mid-September

"Well, we got the grant."

Elections in the USA

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

"Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember . . ."

The nonprofit dog fight.

Bake Sale! To benefit our town animal shelter

'I want my ideas called 'concepts' not 'notions'.'

"Look! It's the Montgomerys from the breast-cancer walk."

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to get approval from the offices of Terminology, Evidence, Proof of Demand, Documentation, Measurement and Predictions before I can even think about signing off."

'Sorry - I only donate big.'

Girl Scout cookies selling the girl scout.