Poetry Rebel Gifts

"I hate poems. They're boring and pretentious."

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"Pssst! Do you have anything on American history?"

'Is that where you keep the banned books?'

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

battered artist has painted picture of falling bomb.

'No, but thanks for asking,'

'Rehab centre' "I'm addicted to Irvine Welsh"

'My next selection is a protest song against piano lessons.'

Whistler's Great-Great-Great-Great-Great Grandson

'Miss Donahue would give him an F.'

Graffiti artists signs his memoirs in bookshop.

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

The Bare Minimum

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

'To you it's wine, to me, it's my writer's block vaccine.'

Gallery Pranks

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

Fuzz - Fuzzy writes a song with something missing.

'What's the point of a bookmakers if there's nowhere left that sells books?'

"The museum of modern art on fire... an installation."

"It's people like you who are ruining rock and roll for the rest of us."

Stop Ironic Graffiti

'This is the painting he was about to start when he shot himself.'

"This next song is about narrow-minded record executives and their reluctance to take a chance on anything a bit different."

Johnny departs from the Family Banjo Tradition.

'Sorry, but I think your Mondrian tattoo was a mistake.'

"Sure, my dad and my granddad and my granddad's dad were all domesticated. But that doesn't mean I have to be."

'In my opinion the series should have stopped after the first 3 books.'

"Mom, Dad, college changed me."

"If you prick a corporation, does it not bleed? If you tickle it, does it not laugh? If you poison it, does it not die?"

"Hmmm... there's something not right here..."

Cowpunk

Just Stop Oil Painting

"Bloody Graffiti."