Plastic Surgery Ponderers Gifts

"...and you tell me that Snow White is still the fairest of them all!"

'I'd like lip enhancement, hair extensions and a boob job!'

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"I'm learning to live with existence."

Waiting for Pants

Ten Commandments

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

'As I recall you were the one who told him that he couldn't take it with him.'

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

'Euro's down against the pound, dollars up against yen, pound is... what the hell don't expect cheap meals in France!'

"Great, now we're lost."

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'

"Oh no, Doris. . . not implants!"

"The arc of the moral universe."

"Well, son, in a way, I suppose Jesus was a trust-fund baby."

'Voila!! No more wrinkles!!'

"Nobody wants to hear our stories about death from natural causes."

Six months later they would be sharing the Nobel Prize, but for now all they could do was stare in amazement at what they had discovered...two incredibly well preserved specimens from the styrofoam age.'

'Have you ever thought that being damned for all eternity to a lake of eternal fire might mask a deeper problem?'

'The rot set in when I started doing these things in my own image - my early stuff was better.'

'You know what I really miss? -- living dangerously.'

"Well...this constant badness is just sooo wearisome...."

'What would you say about me having my spots enlarged?'

"I gave him a public education Artie ol' boy. . . you should know by now that government schools are one of my best minion corporations!"

Well at least we can handle these rocks.

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

'Who are you?' 'Your wife for 57 years back from plastic surgery!'

Mountains and Molehills

'Life is like a cheap steak...it's tough.'

'These are fine, but what's in it for me?'

'At least I'm not accused of being envious, lustful, greedy, prideful, gluttonous or wrathful.'

'Still saving money to finish that nose job eh?'

"I told you not to have that boob job."