Cosmetic Surgery Ponderer Gifts

'What would you say about me having my spots enlarged?'

Waiting for Pants

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

"My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick-boxing!"

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

"What if it's smarter than us?"

'It's not working because it claims it can think and has decided not to.'

"Oh no, Doris. . . not implants!"

"Well I think the Real question is..."

Robot Attack in Bath

'Jerry, The Hermans take the same pharmaceuticals we do!'

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!!"

"Big deal! My digital picture frame can hold a thousand pictures!"

"He had help. There were architecture specialists, costume specialists, angel specialists..."

"It's almost as if you can get lost in it, Timmy. Timmy?"

Six months later they would be sharing the Nobel Prize, but for now all they could do was stare in amazement at what they had discovered...two incredibly well preserved specimens from the styrofoam age.'

"Hey, way to go! You invented both the disease AND the cure!"

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

"They're some kind of robot, perhaps artificially intelligent."

Fin (The end).

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

'Are you a hypochondriac who has everything but your regular placebo isn't doing the job? Talk to your doctor about the new extra-strength placebo.'

"As a kid I was told, 'Act your age.' As an adult I'm told, 'Don't look your age.'"

"We need a product that works like aspirin, but is a lot more expensive to buy."

'Who are you?' 'Your wife for 57 years back from plastic surgery!'

"And this is what we use for the economy liposuction."

Man has drug cabinet labelled 'Safe Drugs' and 'Not Sure Drugs'.

'You're wrong - this is brain surgery!'

'Will this make me feel as happy as the people in the commercial?'

'Wait! Tell me again about the 'excessive gas and oily discharge'?'

"What have you done? I came in to have my wrinkles removed, instead you given me big breasts!"

'Taking anti-depressants is getting me down...'