Beauty Ponderer Gifts

'She would be a real cutie if it wasn't for that chipped tooth.'

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

Could you see anything in her? I certainly couldn't! (Man's eyes are popping out of his head).

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

Woman looking into a mirror

'I'm not sure what I want out of life, but I want a lot of it.'

"Define fair."

"Mirror, mirror on the wall ... what the heck is up with my hair?"

"Death coach..."

The meaning of life is to avoid falling rocks

'I think I'm getting somewhere. On the way over I stopped to smell the flowers.'

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

Baxter finally gets a life

'Cosmetic surgery.'

'There was no more putting it off; breast reduction time.'

"Oh no, Doris. . . not implants!"

"In a former life, I was exactly the same."

"Last time I saw you, you were just a baby."

Wally dozes off in the middle of his mid-life crisis.

"We're taking separate vacations this year."

Creator's Remorse

"But is it..?"

The big life questions that really get us thinking.

'Does my posterior appear oversized in this?'

"This will make the man in your life wonder where you went."

What you want in life is sometimes out of reach.

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

'You know you're 40 when...'(women)

'I am reluctant to offer plastic surgery at this time, Miss Caterpillar: Why don't you let Nature take its course?'

'I've given up on looking for the bluebird of happiness. . . I'd settle for the chicken of contentment!'

Obstetrics, Gynecology and Waxing.

"You could try watching your diet or getting more exercise – but you'll just be delaying the inevitable."

"I don't think I could fit another slice in...oh, hold on."

Information desk at the top of a mountain.