Cosmetic Surgery Ponderer Pillows

'What would you say about me having my spots enlarged?'

Waiting for Pants

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

"My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick-boxing!"

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

"What if it's smarter than us?"

"Big deal! My digital picture frame can hold a thousand pictures!"

'Jerry, The Hermans take the same pharmaceuticals we do!'

"Oh no, Doris. . . not implants!"

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!!"

"Well I think the Real question is..."

Robot Attack in Bath

'It's not working because it claims it can think and has decided not to.'

"He had help. There were architecture specialists, costume specialists, angel specialists..."

"It's almost as if you can get lost in it, Timmy. Timmy?"

Six months later they would be sharing the Nobel Prize, but for now all they could do was stare in amazement at what they had discovered...two incredibly well preserved specimens from the styrofoam age.'

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

"Hey, way to go! You invented both the disease AND the cure!"

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

Fin (The end).

'Are you a hypochondriac who has everything but your regular placebo isn't doing the job? Talk to your doctor about the new extra-strength placebo.'

"They're some kind of robot, perhaps artificially intelligent."

"As a kid I was told, 'Act your age.' As an adult I'm told, 'Don't look your age.'"

'Who are you?' 'Your wife for 57 years back from plastic surgery!'

"We need a product that works like aspirin, but is a lot more expensive to buy."

"And this is what we use for the economy liposuction."

Man has drug cabinet labelled 'Safe Drugs' and 'Not Sure Drugs'.

'Will this make me feel as happy as the people in the commercial?'

'Wait! Tell me again about the 'excessive gas and oily discharge'?'

'You're wrong - this is brain surgery!'

"What have you done? I came in to have my wrinkles removed, instead you given me big breasts!"

'Still saving money to finish that nose job eh?'

"In your case we’ll begin the facelift with an incision behind your right ear and extend it into the waiting room."