Medical Procedure Ponderers Pillows

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

Waiting for Pants

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

"Oh no, Doris. . . not implants!"

"Woah - random!"

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

"Caution! Now entering the margin of error."

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

Well at least we can handle these rocks.

'What would you say about me having my spots enlarged?'

'Who are you?' 'Your wife for 57 years back from plastic surgery!'

Mountains and Molehills

'Wait! Tell me again about the 'excessive gas and oily discharge'?'

Man has drug cabinet labelled 'Safe Drugs' and 'Not Sure Drugs'.

'You're wrong - this is brain surgery!'

This is a test of their cognitive skills, and that's a test of their patience. Waiting room.

"What have you done? I came in to have my wrinkles removed, instead you given me big breasts!"

"I told you not to have that boob job."

'Still saving money to finish that nose job eh?'

"Let's face it, you could back the wrong horse in a one-horse race!"

Hmmm... what's my real purpose? Why am I here? - 'Ooh! Ooh! Me! Me! Let me guess!' - 'Go on, then.' - 'Is your life a homage mediocrity?' - 'Ouch.' - 'Quizzes are fun! Ask me more!' -

'Taking anti-depressants is getting me down...'

"...Now all we need is a product!"

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.

'I quit the medication. It gave me lots of zippity, but took away my doo dah.'

'H-m-m-mm...may cause insomnia, joint pain, nausea, dizziness, lethargy,gas, irritability, muscle ache, bloating and may nullify the initial good feeling'