Cosmetic Procedure Ponderer Pillows

"We simply move some snakes from the back of your head to the front."

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

Waiting for Pants

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

"My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick-boxing!"

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

"What if it's smarter than us?"

'It's not working because it claims it can think and has decided not to.'

"Well I think the Real question is..."

Robot Attack in Bath

"Oh no, Doris. . . not implants!"

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!!"

'Jerry, The Hermans take the same pharmaceuticals we do!'

'My research cover two fields: the behavior of matter under high pressure, and the behavior of scientists under high pressure.'

Six months later they would be sharing the Nobel Prize, but for now all they could do was stare in amazement at what they had discovered...two incredibly well preserved specimens from the styrofoam age.'

"Hey, way to go! You invented both the disease AND the cure!"

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

'What would you say about me having my spots enlarged?'

'Are you a hypochondriac who has everything but your regular placebo isn't doing the job? Talk to your doctor about the new extra-strength placebo.'

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

"They're some kind of robot, perhaps artificially intelligent."

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

'Who are you?' 'Your wife for 57 years back from plastic surgery!'

"We need a product that works like aspirin, but is a lot more expensive to buy."

'You're wrong - this is brain surgery!'

'Wait! Tell me again about the 'excessive gas and oily discharge'?'

Man has drug cabinet labelled 'Safe Drugs' and 'Not Sure Drugs'.

'Will this make me feel as happy as the people in the commercial?'

'Taking anti-depressants is getting me down...'

"These industrial robots don't complain, but they don't show fear, either. I miss the fear."

"I told you not to have that boob job."