Cosmetic Procedure Ponderer T-Shirts

"We simply move some snakes from the back of your head to the front."

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

Waiting for Pants

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

"My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick-boxing!"

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

"What if it's smarter than us?"

"Oh no, Doris. . . not implants!"

"Well I think the Real question is..."

Robot Attack in Bath

'Jerry, The Hermans take the same pharmaceuticals we do!'

'It's not working because it claims it can think and has decided not to.'

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!!"

Are these sessions as soul-deadening for you as they are for me, doctor? Let's not have a contest, Al. Or, if we do, no wagering.

'My research cover two fields: the behavior of matter under high pressure, and the behavior of scientists under high pressure.'

Six months later they would be sharing the Nobel Prize, but for now all they could do was stare in amazement at what they had discovered...two incredibly well preserved specimens from the styrofoam age.'

"Hey, way to go! You invented both the disease AND the cure!"

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

'Are you a hypochondriac who has everything but your regular placebo isn't doing the job? Talk to your doctor about the new extra-strength placebo.'

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

'What would you say about me having my spots enlarged?'

"They're some kind of robot, perhaps artificially intelligent."

'Who are you?' 'Your wife for 57 years back from plastic surgery!'

"We need a product that works like aspirin, but is a lot more expensive to buy."

'Will this make me feel as happy as the people in the commercial?'

Man has drug cabinet labelled 'Safe Drugs' and 'Not Sure Drugs'.

'Wait! Tell me again about the 'excessive gas and oily discharge'?'

'You're wrong - this is brain surgery!'

This is a test of their cognitive skills, and that's a test of their patience. Waiting room.

"These industrial robots don't complain, but they don't show fear, either. I miss the fear."

'Mom, it's doing it again'

'Still saving money to finish that nose job eh?'