Complex Procedure Ponderer T-Shirts

'You're wrong - this is brain surgery!'

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

Max Weber

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

Telling Self to Buzz Off

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'

'Jerry, The Hermans take the same pharmaceuticals we do!'

'Please don't read anything into the fact that I'm wearing loafers. I assure you I'm a very energetic worker.'

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

"Woah - random!"

"Oh no, Doris. . . not implants!"

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Dr. Noodle. I've been feeling like my whole life is on pause. And I can't find the remote to unpause it. Meanwhile, everyone else's stories are proceeding apace. They're all into the second act already. They've all had plot twists, and hero's journeys, and epic love scenes, and thrilling reversals of fortune ... Meanwhile, I'm still paused on the opening credits because no remote. Why don't you get up off the couch and unpause it manually? You can do that?

I see

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

Caption Contest TK

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

'It's not just his insane jealousy - he also insists on choosing all my clothes.'

Are these sessions as soul-deadening for you as they are for me, doctor? Let's not have a contest, Al. Or, if we do, no wagering.

"Would you look at the carrot on that guy!"

"Caution! Now entering the margin of error."

"I utilize the best from Freud, the best from Jung and the best from my uncle Marty, a very smart fellow."