Plastic Detective Gifts

"I don't use straws anymore. Straws are bad for the environment."

I can carry all the plastic bags I need!

"I think they are aliens sent here to eradicate all of us!"

"Seriously, you don't know how to float?"

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

A boy acting suspiciously

"May I get an equation in edgewise."

Cop gives ASBO to cockerel: 'This of this as a cock-a-doodle-don't.'

'Fancy coming on a man hunt?'

'Daddy, why is that man wearing a blank T-shirt?'

'That's the one that attacked me, officer! The one with the stupid look on his face!'

Polar bear on a mountain of plastic

'You're free to go. Another suspect matching the description of having big ears and a trunk has just been arrested for the circus stampede.'

'So now you sniff out drugs. That's it, no more TV cop shows.'

Violence on TV.

'Counterfeiting? Whadda you mean? I was just pumping up the local economy.'

"Hey - didn't I see you on TV last night?"

'Did you see who pushed you?'

Ed's super-romantic but he's always a police detective. He calls our love 'consensual identity theft.'

"I love my unreliable narrator. You?"

'Since you stole my identity I thought I'd bring you the rest of the package.'

Neighborhood Watch.

"You could have literally stolen any getaway car."

Scientist feels down back of sofa, saying: 'I think I've found the Higgs boson!'

"The problem is there's no engine. Just a mysterious plot device."

'My husband is a police detective. He does know how to toss a room.'

"So, who said you were not a good boy?"

"Clever plot, but who can concentrate without some gratuitous sex and violence?"

'I suppose the only way we could find out exactly who collected these DNA samples would be to fingerprint everyone.'

"Damn. No hat."

'Non-alcoholic wines? Aisle 7, on the left - just keep shoveling dust 'til you hit them.'

'This looks like the work of a surreal killer.'

'According to your love line, I should be calling a cop right now!'

'With all I've learned about psychology recently, establishing who's naughty and who's nice is not as simple as it used to be.'

Ocean Plastic