Playful Detective Gifts

'Did you see who pushed you?'

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

A boy acting suspiciously

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

Who stole my candy?

"What are you in for?"

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

60 minutes I.Q. test - pick the counterfeit.

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

'Fancy coming on a man hunt?'

"You want me to explain how there were two doughnuts in the larder and now there is only one? Easy, it was too dark in there to see the second one."

'You're free to go. Another suspect matching the description of having big ears and a trunk has just been arrested for the circus stampede.'

"I'm an atheist. I don't believe in programmers."

"I don't use straws anymore. Straws are bad for the environment."

'They got me for trespassing, grand theft cookie and trafficking Xboxes across state lines.'

Murdered man spells out his murderer in alphabet soup.

"I love my unreliable narrator. You?"

I can carry all the plastic bags I need!

'He died of too much money.'

Serious Crime Squad, Light-Hearted Crime Squad, Happy As Larry Crime Squad.

"So, you've got butterflies in your stomach, a bug in your ear and a bee in your bonnet. Any other complaints?"

"You're not leaving until we know everything."

'I don't think there's anyone home...Or am I just being naive?...'

'Just move along...Nothing core to see here.'

'I gather this is your first sting operation.'

'What's with all the Pumpkin Pies?'

"Ha! I found you . . . and with my wife!"

The Fifth Annual Crow Convention - "If you ask me, I reckon it looks like a murder!"

"The problem is there's no engine. Just a mysterious plot device."

"Where'd you find it, dad?"

"Clever plot, but who can concentrate without some gratuitous sex and violence?"

Publishing Co. The editor rejected my novel about a group of buddies on a roadtrip. She said it had too many plotholes.

"Uh-oh!. . . Look out! Where did he come from? Something spooky is going on in this picture...Can you spot it?"

"Seriously, you don't know how to float?"