Plastic Detective T-Shirts

"I don't use straws anymore. Straws are bad for the environment."

I can carry all the plastic bags I need!

"I think they are aliens sent here to eradicate all of us!"

"Seriously, you don't know how to float?"

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

A boy acting suspiciously

"May I get an equation in edgewise."

Cop gives ASBO to cockerel: 'This of this as a cock-a-doodle-don't.'

Weird – I think everything they watch is called, That actor looks so familiar what else have we seen him in.

'Fancy coming on a man hunt?'

'Daddy, why is that man wearing a blank T-shirt?'

'That's the one that attacked me, officer! The one with the stupid look on his face!'

Polar bear on a mountain of plastic

'So now you sniff out drugs. That's it, no more TV cop shows.'

Violence on TV.

'You're free to go. Another suspect matching the description of having big ears and a trunk has just been arrested for the circus stampede.'

'Counterfeiting? Whadda you mean? I was just pumping up the local economy.'

"I love my unreliable narrator. You?"

'Did you see who pushed you?'

"Hey - didn't I see you on TV last night?"

Ed's super-romantic but he's always a police detective. He calls our love 'consensual identity theft.'

'Since you stole my identity I thought I'd bring you the rest of the package.'

Neighborhood Watch.

"You could have literally stolen any getaway car."

Scientist feels down back of sofa, saying: 'I think I've found the Higgs boson!'

"The problem is there's no engine. Just a mysterious plot device."

"Where'd you find it, dad?"

'My husband is a police detective. He does know how to toss a room.'

"Clever plot, but who can concentrate without some gratuitous sex and violence?"

Publishing Co. The editor rejected my novel about a group of buddies on a roadtrip. She said it had too many plotholes.

"So, who said you were not a good boy?"

'I suppose the only way we could find out exactly who collected these DNA samples would be to fingerprint everyone.'

"Damn. No hat."

'Non-alcoholic wines? Aisle 7, on the left - just keep shoveling dust 'til you hit them.'

'This looks like the work of a surreal killer.'