Plant Killer Gifts

In the houseplant cemetery.

Gardener attacked by plants.

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

'I had a wonderful garden last year. Bark beetles, aphids, mealy worms, thripes, wax seal, gray mold, and grubs!'

'I'll just put them here until the danger of frost passes - probably next April'

'True it does have small flowers but through the microscope its exquisite.'

"Mother! How? Wait — where’s Dad?!"

Fenwick, while I'm away I'm putting you in charge of the plant.

Getting Rid of the Cure

"Remember that half-dead sansevieria you put out on the balcony back in January of 1994, pal?"

'Turn right at the Robinia pseudoacacia, pass the garden with the salvia officinalis, cross the road when you see the stranvaesia davidinia and the pub is on the left!'

"Wouldn't this one look nice shrivelled up in the kitchen?"

"There's a house-plant round here somewhere."

Frost advisory tonight.

"Have you seen my hot water bottle?"

'The old man's really serious about his rooftop gardening.'

This plant is a lousy malingerer!

Florist delivers Cactus to Man on Bed of Nails

Medicine.

"It's a victory garden. And the weeds have won."

Fruit and Vegetables - protestors signs read 'Stop this brutality' and 'Herbophiles protest mass killings of plants'.

'Dan sculpted the shrubs to look like hunters to keep the deer from eating them.'

"I dread these W.I. meetings

Protecting the green

'Ha! I knew they were just little trees!'

The Fireside Jungle: Beware of introducing pest into the house with new specimens.

"Aren't those dead flowers fake?"

'Heaven welcomes botanists, we've millions of extinct plants that need classifying!'

'That's typical of Nigel - endangered specimens come first!'

Escaping Flowers

Three Circles of Gardener's Hell.

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, pollen to pollen, mold to mold..." "He was allergic to everything."

"Here's Pollen!"

Garden store owner chasing away birds from his seed display.

When We'll Take the Environment Seriously