Plant Defender Gifts

Animal rights and vegetable rights protesters battle each other.

'Are the birds at your petunias again?'

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

Gardener attacked by plants.

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

Please buzz off. That's my flower!

The New Normal

Climate Change

Scarecrows guarding a field

"Some trees in New Hampshire hate being hugged."

'I'll just put them here until the danger of frost passes - probably next April'

"No coal here, either - but you never know until you look."

"You see? I told you if we tied ourselves to this tree they wouldn't cut it down. Persistence is the name of the game. Persistence."

'True it does have small flowers but through the microscope its exquisite.'

"The third leading cause of forest fires."

"Mother! How? Wait — where’s Dad?!"

"What the heck? How are we supposed to roam the plains if men put these things everywhere?"

Fenwick, while I'm away I'm putting you in charge of the plant.

'The environment people only worry about endangered species, not endangered individuals.'

"We've got to fix the climate before we run out of trees to print money on."

"Remember that half-dead sansevieria you put out on the balcony back in January of 1994, pal?"

Greenpeace protestor joining the birds.

Getting Rid of the Cure

'Turn right at the Robinia pseudoacacia, pass the garden with the salvia officinalis, cross the road when you see the stranvaesia davidinia and the pub is on the left!'

"Wouldn't this one look nice shrivelled up in the kitchen?"

"I will avenge you, Father."

'Who is to blame?'

"There's a house-plant round here somewhere."

"Killer? Is that what they call us? Eh don't say killer tiger or killer charm or killer wolf."

Urban Expansion

Loggers truck with alligator in between logs.

'The old man's really serious about his rooftop gardening.'

Dive bombing hunters with eggs.

"Have you seen my hot water bottle?"

Adapting to global warming.