Plant Defender Gifts

Animal rights and vegetable rights protesters battle each other.

'Are the birds at your petunias again?'

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

Gardener attacked by plants.

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

Please buzz off. That's my flower!

Scarecrows guarding a field

Climate Change

"Some trees in New Hampshire hate being hugged."

The New Normal

'I'll just put them here until the danger of frost passes - probably next April'

"No coal here, either - but you never know until you look."

"What the heck? How are we supposed to roam the plains if men put these things everywhere?"

"Mother! How? Wait — where’s Dad?!"

"The third leading cause of forest fires."

'True it does have small flowers but through the microscope its exquisite.'

"You see? I told you if we tied ourselves to this tree they wouldn't cut it down. Persistence is the name of the game. Persistence."

'The environment people only worry about endangered species, not endangered individuals.'

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

Fenwick, while I'm away I'm putting you in charge of the plant.

"We've got to fix the climate before we run out of trees to print money on."

Greenpeace protestor joining the birds.

Getting Rid of the Cure

"Remember that half-dead sansevieria you put out on the balcony back in January of 1994, pal?"

'Turn right at the Robinia pseudoacacia, pass the garden with the salvia officinalis, cross the road when you see the stranvaesia davidinia and the pub is on the left!'

"There's a house-plant round here somewhere."

Frost advisory tonight.

'Who is to blame?'

"I will avenge you, Father."

"Killer? Is that what they call us? Eh don't say killer tiger or killer charm or killer wolf."

"Wouldn't this one look nice shrivelled up in the kitchen?"

Urban Expansion

"Have you seen my hot water bottle?"

'The old man's really serious about his rooftop gardening.'

Loggers truck with alligator in between logs.