Plant-based Perfectionist T-Shirts

"We're very strict. No soy milk, no veggie burgers, no margarine... nothing that even looks like an animal product."

Gardener clipping topiary stairs

Bullseye!

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

'Oh, sure, it gets the creative juices going, but is it worth the cost?'

Dispose of unproductive fruit trees.

"No animals were harmed during this performance!"

"We'd like bruschetta, and we'd like it pronounced correctly."

"It's called being preemptive."

Cuts, Measurements, Certain, Sloppy

'this is the only place where no one is fooling around with the genes.'

A tailor measuring a jacket.

'You and I are going to have a long talk when I get you home.'

"I can be perfect for only one hour a day."

'This pea is the first vegetable that I've ever grown so I would like to have it stuffed and mounted.'

Social lens of the photojournalist

"You forgot to adjust your hilling discs again, didn't you?"

"Now you can send it."

Secateurs/Non-Secateurs.

"At what point did my Boeuf Bourguignonne become a pejorative beef stew?"

Decorating a column.

"Got anything that will expire before I do?"

"Dang it, my eyes were closed - take another one!"

Think Zero Defects

All reduced 10...The prices? No, the vegetables.

Desk Bins: Do Over/Do Over Again/Closer, but Re-Do/Return to Top Bin.

'Yes, those were grown with love. Now, these here, on the other hand, were grown with a love gone wrong.'

'Noooo! You idiot! For crying out loud! Sear it first! Then a slow oven.'

'Sometimes I wish I hadn't bought you that stupid camera for Christmas!'

'Damn. The dark is leaking out of the dark room again.'

"I don't like his color."

'Thank you. It took me a long time, but I built it to scale.'