Garden Perfectionist T-Shirts

"They just keep falling. It's as though they're mocking me with their hideous persistence. I know they hate me, hahaha! You'll all be sorry..." "Leaf insanity"

'I bet the inside looks the same too.'

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

"Well, that's created a little order in a world of chaos."

Gardener clipping topiary stairs

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

"First time pruning?"

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

"Al emerged from his man cave and saw crabgrass. That means 6 months of obsessing about crabgrass."

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"

'Oh, sure, it gets the creative juices going, but is it worth the cost?'

Dispose of unproductive fruit trees.

'this is the only place where no one is fooling around with the genes.'

'Well, it WAS a pretty coffee table until Dave spilled coffee on it!'

"Being happy with one's work is the kiss of death."

Staycation Photos

'I told you I only cook with my mother's Italian spices. She just left Naples and should be here with them in about eight hours.'

'...We go away for a long weekend - we get back and the garden's gone wild.'

'I don't understand it - there was a little pile of solar dust from Advanced Composition Explorer right here a moment ago.'

"It's called being preemptive."

'You and I are going to have a long talk when I get you home.'

Secateurs/Non-Secateurs.

"Let's go, this is definitely a manicured lawn: we won't find clover or dandelions here..."

Bazzini & Sons Lawn Service: 'We don't cut corners'.

"...And then beyond the lawn, a lily pool with fountains and..."

Mouth Wash 'n' Dry.

"I'm desperate, John. Please lend me your lawnmower."

"Got anything that will expire before I do?"

"We're very strict. No soy milk, no veggie burgers, no margarine... nothing that even looks like an animal product."

"Baldo, I finally got that stain out of your favorite shirt! Of course, I had to use my scissors."

'Go get the hose, George! That gopher is back!'

The Moth Menace.

All reduced 10...The prices? No, the vegetables.

"You don't need a prescription, Mr. Beesley - you need an iron...."