Garden Perfectionist T-Shirts

"They just keep falling. It's as though they're mocking me with their hideous persistence. I know they hate me, hahaha! You'll all be sorry..." "Leaf insanity"

'I bet the inside looks the same too.'

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

"Well, that's created a little order in a world of chaos."

Gardener clipping topiary stairs

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

"First time pruning?"

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"

"Al emerged from his man cave and saw crabgrass. That means 6 months of obsessing about crabgrass."

'Oh, sure, it gets the creative juices going, but is it worth the cost?'

Dispose of unproductive fruit trees.

'...We go away for a long weekend - we get back and the garden's gone wild.'

"It's called being preemptive."

'this is the only place where no one is fooling around with the genes.'

'I don't understand it - there was a little pile of solar dust from Advanced Composition Explorer right here a moment ago.'

'Well, it WAS a pretty coffee table until Dave spilled coffee on it!'

'I told you I only cook with my mother's Italian spices. She just left Naples and should be here with them in about eight hours.'

"Being happy with one's work is the kiss of death."

Staycation Photos

'You and I are going to have a long talk when I get you home.'

"...And then beyond the lawn, a lily pool with fountains and..."

Bazzini & Sons Lawn Service: 'We don't cut corners'.

Secateurs/Non-Secateurs.

"Let's go, this is definitely a manicured lawn: we won't find clover or dandelions here..."

"We're very strict. No soy milk, no veggie burgers, no margarine... nothing that even looks like an animal product."

Mouth Wash 'n' Dry.

"Baldo, I finally got that stain out of your favorite shirt! Of course, I had to use my scissors."

"Got anything that will expire before I do?"

"I'm desperate, John. Please lend me your lawnmower."

The Moth Menace.

'Go get the hose, George! That gopher is back!'

All reduced 10...The prices? No, the vegetables.

'Yes, those were grown with love. Now, these here, on the other hand, were grown with a love gone wrong.'