Planned Pregnancy Gifts

"You know you're old when your friends start having kids on purpose."

"Looks like we found the issue."

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

"We only got six days of funding."

Colour Version: Living by the Clock

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

Pregnant lady being greeted by foetus.

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

"First aid box, puncture repair kit, mobile phone, energy bars and plenty of liquids; I think that's all eventualities covered..."

'Yes, I do have some ideas for the wedding! We could fly in on jet packs, say our vows on a bridge over a piranha pool with you in a white bikini, hold the reception in a casino and honeymoon in a secret underground bunker!'

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

Problem Solving: Man rows desert island to land.

'Wow! I never thought it would actually WORK!'

Worry tank

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

"I'm busy this afternoon, but I can crayon you in for Saturday."

"The amnio's fine, the sex is male, and the name is Wade."

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

I figured out how we can pay for the kids' college tuitions. Do tell. I'm going to leave for a year of self-discovery, which I will chronicle in a best-selling memoir. Oh, but

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

Mr. & Mrs. Stickfigure are expecting twins.

When Engineers Crack.

The Importance of Planning Thoroughly in Advance

"How could we be short? You had enough chocolate for everyone on our list!"

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'