Parenthood Planning Gifts

Man embarrassed at a fertility clinic.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

Low-Energy Drinks

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

"The amnio's fine, the sex is male, and the name is Wade."

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

Mr. & Mrs. Stickfigure are expecting twins.

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

Baby Screen Time

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

"It's a boy, but that's a common one so don't get too excited."

'We found you in a cabbage!'

"We have the exact same taste."

Growth Charts

"I made the mistake of telling him that the world is his canvas."

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

"He won't eat anything but corn."

'There's a planet in my book with two moons! Imagine how much howling we could do there!'

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

The Tunnel Of Love

Young Gums

"I noticed that since I've been working at home you've been paying me hazard pay. How did you know?"

A postwoman delivers mail together with her baby who is riding in the letter carrier.

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

'It's only 6 AM, but I want to send the kids to Wally's house before his mother sends him over here.'

New arrival