Planet Pun Fan Gifts

"I'm sorry John you just can't name the planet 'Urectum'."

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Laughing Zone Ahead

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

'Justin, this isn't what I meant when I said we could make out like bandits.'

Cupid misses his shot.

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

Office supplies - Notebooks, memo pads and rap sheets.

"Whether we refer to them as lakes or ponds, it's mere semantics."

"You need a mint."

'You've got swine flu and I think it's begun to mutate.'

"This isn't what I had in mind, when you said you were going to buy me some waterfront property."

"No, I'm afraid Pluto is never in the dog house."

Arm Chair

God's studio assistants

"The deal looks cut and dried to me but Haskins smells a rat."

'Maybe you should try flowers?'

To keep cool in the summer, Victor installed a whole-house flan.

'Don't look at me - I didn't have anything to do with Tunguska!'

Unsound

"Do you know what time they open love?"

Wordilly Durdillies - A cow putt

Sir Isaac Newton discovers even more gravity.

'I'm NOT sweating -- those are OCEANS!'

'Satchel, I have a hunch...'

"And you say these stabbing back pains started when you got into politics?"

"Father Michael has a wicked sense of humour."

"Note to self...'NICE APPS' is not a good opening line."

"Well yes, I could prescribe glasses, but frankly, just cutting your fringe would probably work better..."

"Okay - I can see you now."

'I don't think much of the punchline.'