Planet Pun Fan Pillows

"I'm sorry John you just can't name the planet 'Urectum'."

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

Laughing Zone Ahead

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

'Justin, this isn't what I meant when I said we could make out like bandits.'

Cupid misses his shot.

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

"Whether we refer to them as lakes or ponds, it's mere semantics."

Office supplies - Notebooks, memo pads and rap sheets.

'You've got swine flu and I think it's begun to mutate.'

"You need a mint."

Snacks. Food. Drinks. Win! Play! LOTTO here! I changed my name to "Lottery Ticket" and hang out here. It's a great place to get scratched!

"This isn't what I had in mind, when you said you were going to buy me some waterfront property."

"You're still using that old thing? Just download Google Mars!"

To keep cool in the summer, Victor installed a whole-house flan.

"No, I'm afraid Pluto is never in the dog house."

God's studio assistants

'Maybe you should try flowers?'

"The deal looks cut and dried to me but Haskins smells a rat."

Arm Chair

"And you say these stabbing back pains started when you got into politics?"

"Okay - I can see you now."

"Do you know what time they open love?"

"Note to self...'NICE APPS' is not a good opening line."

"Well yes, I could prescribe glasses, but frankly, just cutting your fringe would probably work better..."

'Don't look at me - I didn't have anything to do with Tunguska!'

"Father Michael has a wicked sense of humour."

Wordilly Durdillies - A cow putt

'Satchel, I have a hunch...'

Unsound

'I'm NOT sweating -- those are OCEANS!'

Pluto

Sir Isaac Newton discovers even more gravity.

Ernie, what's a seven-letter phrase for "sadistic behavior"? Beats me.