Pizzeria Employee Gifts

'What kind of idiot orders a triple anchovy pizza with no cheese?'

"Stephen and I are today's special."

Counting ribs

"Even the waiters here are organic."

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

"You owe me five bucks."

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

Updated Nursery Rhyme #27.

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

"With all due respect, Sire, the Pizza King sends his kindest regards."

"Sorry, that's not my table."

"Deep-dish pizza calls for deep-glass beer."

'I'd like a round table!'

'I was hoping for a better bonus this year.'

"Honey, have you seen my onions?"

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.' (at restaurant with three kids)

'Can't he ever use a different kind of chart?'

The Velvet Mesquite

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

"Room for dessert, folks?"

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'Would you like a balloon with that?'

"Would you prefer the talking or the non-talking section?"